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To have loved and lost: final
So Sanji and I are a couple.
No one said anything.
There was never an official announcement.
It was hardly even implied.
It just was.
As if it had always been that way.
When I finally let go and let Sanji love me it was the easiest thing in the world to love him back.
It felt so good.
It was if happiness and joy were tangible and you could cuddle up with them like your favorite plushies or wrap yourself in them like your favorite blanket.
Who knew falling in love was so easy and felt this good.
~ "Ooh! Ooh! Me! Pick me! I know! Heeheee. I don't wanna say I told you so…"
Then don't. Say it.
It had been a hot s
To have love and lost: pt 7b
Sanji's cigarette had burned down to the filter and out by then.
I had sunk to the floor by then.
Now I knew the man Sanji never wanted to be like.
He'd never be like the man who beat and violated his Mother.
My eyes are wide open.
I had been crying but now there were no more tears left to cry.
~ "He wins. That is much worse I think."
"You wanna know what's worse Nami?" Sanji's voice was in a low whisper by now.
Oh god there was more?
"Mom had been pregnant.
Little over 4 months. "
A quivering gasp escaped my lips and I made a very small weak noise in my throat.
~ "Ooh. Ya. Much worse."
"When Mom told me I was going
To have loved and lost: pt 7
**** Sanji POV age 7
It was Saturday.
Saturday was my favorite day of the week 'cause it was the day I get to go on a date with mom.
Just me and her.
Dad wasn't allowed.
We always go on a picnic.
Dad helped me make her a special lunch.
When we where done, Dad gives me money to buy Mom flowers from the market while he packs the lunch in a basket.
When I got to the flower stand Margaret, the flower lady, smiles at me.
"Saturday again is it Sanji kun?"
"What do you want for your mom this week?"
"Lilies!" I beam "Those ones! With the pink inside."
"Oh your mother loves those, doesn't she?"
"Yup! She sure does."
I take my flo
To have loved an lost: pt 6
Though the worrying didn't get as bad as not being able to function like it did before, it came to the point were it refused to be ignored any longer and was breaking into the point of tormenting.
I said I'd be down in my room updating our charts and working on my map and disappeared below deck.
~ "Ya. Distract yourself with work. That's really going to help."
"Oh shut up."
Of course I couldn't get any work done.
I absent mindedly flipped through the log books and maps I had acquired not reading or seeing anything.
I don't know how long I'd been sitting there not doing anything.
The knock on the door startled me.
What Am I? Lingering in that photo...
In that simple shot (still, I feel the bullet there)
I look, and I see a woman.
I am not a woman.
I have never worked for a lifestyle,
given birth for an allowance
I have never truly loved a man.
I am not a woman.
I do not have the means to
to wake, feel the calling..(oh, it calls, but I do not answer)
and move, move, move
until I reach a place of
I am not a woman.
Sometimes, I still take the
of my childhood and
place it on shoulders of
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`anmari has been spreading her infectious positivity throughout our community for over 6 years. Throughout this time Ana has been at the core of all things devious, passionately developing an eclectic gallery, helping organise devmeets, participating in chat events and also recently completed dedicating her time as a Community Volunteer. We are absolutely delighted to bestow the Deviousness Award for May 2013 to `anmari, congratulations! Read More